Ammon Brown

Yet Another Comedy Clip

2008-10-23T16:40:00.001-04:00

A lot of the same jokes, but I think I missed a few. I still don't have a video where I feel like I 100% nailed it. Regardless, enjoy the show, give feedback, and remember: I am much better live!

Skydiving! No Sh**! OK, Maybe a Little.

2008-08-09T01:04:00.002-04:00

Video speaks for itself!

The Latest Ditty

2008-07-15T01:39:00.001-04:00

Who doesn't like a good arson joke?? Although the current economy is a mixed blessing for an arsonist... Lots of foreclosed houses sitting empty and waiting but the price of gas is way up. Argh! Enjoy.

On The Same Stage as Emo

2008-07-06T06:05:00.002-04:00

I saw Emo Philips perform at Comix a few months ago. He is one of my favorite comedians, so I was excited to play the same club. Only problem was that they told me I was doing 7 minutes instead of 5 and then they left me up on stage for more than 9 minutes. I filled the time but had to shuffle a lot of material around at the last second. Not the greatest show ever, but a very good experience.

Another Caroline's Show

2008-07-03T00:17:00.002-04:00

This one includes some new material, but is mostly the same as the other show at Caroline's.

More Stand Up Comedy

2008-07-02T08:08:00.001-04:00

I don't consider this my best show, but it is all new jokes. Enjoy.

Another Show, Another Chuckle

2008-06-17T01:33:00.003-04:00

I just did another show at Caroline's, and I think it went really well. I focused on maintaining eye contact, having more energy, pausing for the inevitable laughs, and staying in one place. I should have the video shortly, so I will get it posted as soon as I can. Few other updates, as I don't want to bump the last video off the front page!

My Stand Up Comedy

2008-06-11T17:25:00.002-04:00

I promised I would post it, so post it I shall. This is my 5 minute bit from May 18th at Caroline's on Broadway. My next show is this Monday, the 16th, also at Caroline's. Enjoy!

...And It Was Funny.

2008-05-19T17:22:00.003-04:00

So the day finally came and I did my stand-up comedy routine at Caroline's on Boradway. I think I did well and I had a great time. So great, in fact, that I plan on doing it again. This weekend. At Comix. Feel free to book tickets for $10 (they are $15 at the door) then call ahead to 212-524-2500 in order to get on my guest list. Should be a blast! I'll post a video of the performance at Caroline's when I get it. I have also been invited back to Caroline's on June 16th, so I'll get details on that soon. Laugh hard!

Sometimes America Sucks

2008-05-12T10:02:00.004-04:00

There, I said it. It's true. Sometimes America sucks. It sucks to travel overseas and feel embarrassed to be American. Yes, I feel proud to be American, but it is an overabundance of pride that gets us a lousy reputation. It is sort of sad when you meet someone in a foreign country and they are shocked that an American could actually be a person they would want to know. I was in my corner store this weekend and I told the clerk that I thought it was cool that they had Saudi money taped on the wall. He was amazed that I knew it was Saudi because I could recognize King Faud. Are we really so solipsist that people are floored when we acknowledge something beyond our borders?

But I digress, this was not the point of this post. I began thinking that America sucks because we are so litigious. We took our dog to the beach yesterday. Actually, we drove our dog an hour to a beach, illegally allowed him to set foot on the boardwalk, and then hustled him off the sand when he illegally jumped onto it. We looked for a beach that allows dogs for about an hour. None to be found. I asked a cop and he had no idea if such a thing existed. He also confirmed my suspicion that it is due to fear of lawsuits that dogs are not allowed. This is not an irrational fear. If the media is to be believed, Americans sue at the drop of a hat. And for you non-dog-loving folk out there, they also ban kites at nearly all of the beaches. You can't fly a kite at the beach for fear of litigation.

I am not going to go into the whole debate of whether we are too litigious and whether that is good or bad. You can read fun stuff on that here, here, here, and here. These links are a pretty wide spectrum of ideas, I try to include all sides.

No, what I want to do is propose a solution. In a book I am reading, Nudge, the authors propose an optional "no-sue" clause for doctors and patients in order to discount medical care and prevent overly-cautious medicine. My proposal is similar. At my beach, let's call it Liberty Beach (oh, I loves me some jingoism!), there will be a huge sign: "Warning: You are entering a no-sue zone. Alcohol, dogs, kite flying, nudity, radio playing, and any other activity that does not physically harm the beach or other people is expressly allowed. By entering, you waive your right to sue. If you don't like it, go elsewhere. Jerk." Sure, there have to be some rules. People are largely stupid and pathologically lack personal accountability, so you have to police it a bit. But the idea is simply that as a condition of entry, you accept that shit might happen, as it tends to do. And that you are OK with that. I would gladly exchange my freedom to file a frivolous lawsuit for the freedom to take my dog on a beach. That just sounds like good economics to me.

I have no doubt that this is likely a complete fantasy and 99% infeasible. Most people are not intelligent or self-aware enough to accept complete freedom, they need rules. The rest are libertarians. However, it would be nice to live on Liberty Beach and play fetch naked while drinking, listening to a radio, and flying a kite without fear of the sight of my naked ass causing millions of dollars worth of emotional distress and/or pain and suffering. Again.

EDIT: More US tomfoolery here and here.

Random Development Projects

2008-04-23T11:32:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago I blogged about a cheat I developed for Boggle (or Scramble, whatever). Well, I guess I will post the link. It was a fun little project at the time, and hopefully you will enjoy it, too... for recreational purposes only. So here is my Scramble and Boggle Cheat. Enjoy.

I also developed and honed a program a few months ago to pull potential geographic modifiers for search keywords out of a database of zip codes. It was helpful for a few things I was doing at the time and a friend requested the link. I figured I would post it here as well. You can check out the GeoTerm Generator here. Should be self-explanatory.

A Few Events

2008-04-18T17:36:00.003-04:00

Geez, one would think that my life is actually interesting lately. I am planning another paintball excursion, but this time with bus charter! Check it out here.

I am also going to be doing a 5 minute set of stand-up comedy at Caroline's on Broadway on May 18th at 4:30. Book early! Call 212-757-4100 and book the 4:00 show on May 18th and mention that you are there to see Ammon Brown. Please show up at 3:45 PM. I may do a few open mics between now and then to warm up, so I'll update this as necessary.

My brother is also moving back to NYC next week, so this is shaping up to be an awesome summer!

Ride This!

2008-03-25T10:14:00.002-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows I hate the subway during rush hour (I know, drama-bomb!). Riding the train puts the ugly stupidity of crowds on display. My favorites are the people who crowd to the door to be the first one on... and then stop and stand right inside the door. Or the people who are so anxious to get on the train they start pushing past the people trying to get off. People just don't get it. But they do get a solid passive-aggressive shoulder thump from me.

So now I am doing something about it. I bought a bike Saturday and timed my ride to work on Sunday. It took me 49 minutes to go the 7.5 miles to work. That is about what the train averages. Once I am in better shape I can likely do it in 35 minutes. So yesterday and today I rode to work. Yesterday was 40+ minutes. Today was closer to 50-55 minutes due to ridiculously sore quadriceps.

However, the ride is quite pleasant (except for the exhaust from the west side heliport). I get to ride across the Brooklyn Bridge and up the west side highway bike path, avoiding most traffic lights. I was always worried about sweating like Pavorati on a treadmill, but it is not too bad. After 10 minutes at work I am good to go. I really have no goals with this, I just want to save the $80 per month on a metrocard, lose the 20 extra pounds my desk job has bestowed upon me, and get sexier than Fabio and Clooney combined. My happy-fun route is below, courtesy of MapMyRide.com.

AmmboWork
Find more Bike Rides in Brooklyn, New York

Testing sms updating.

2008-02-28T09:53:00.001-05:00

I am testing updating my blog via text message using utterz.com. I took a picture of me at work for your enjoyment. So enjoy it!

Mobile post sent by ammbo using Utterz. Replies.

I am a dirty, dirty cheater.

2008-02-21T23:56:00.003-05:00

So I started playing the scramble game on facebook recently. I am a big scrabble player so it appeals to me. I got to thinking that this would make an interesting computer science problem. So I put my puny little mind to it and came up with a script that not only uses the Scramble dictionary to find every possible word, but can also type hundreds of words into the text box in under thirty seconds. I have been testing it and it is close to 100% accurate. I am such a complete and utter nerd I just cannot believe myself. There was no real reason to do this, it just seemed like a fun challenge, which it was. I have still not decided whether to post a link to the script publicly, as that may kill a fun game. Sort of the way bots are threatening online poker. If I do post it then I will go into detail about some of the novel and elegant (I think) ways I solved a few programming problems.

The most fun is when I cheat and get scores in excess of 1500 points (average is less than 100), I get all kinds of mixed reactions from people in the chat box. Some get pissed off, some get very amused, some try to rather loudly ignore me, and some beg and plead for me to divulge my secret. The best by far are the people who see my score and say, "Wow, you are a fast typist!" or "Hey... is that guy cheating?" The funny thing is, I am too embarrassed to admit that I did this on a complete lark just for gits and shiggles. I tell people it is for a computer science class. So I am a cheater and a liar to boot! This little computer science experiment has turned into an interesting psychology experiment, as well. For me and my "victims".

Nuts for Jericho

2008-02-11T11:46:00.000-05:00

So I was browsing through channels the other day and came across a marathon of the show Jericho on Universal HD. I dig this channel because it shows unedited movies in full aspect ratio as well as a pretty darn good selection of rerun shows in HD. I decided to record the entire first season of the show (gotta love DVR!) and watched 8-9 episodes over the weekend. I must say, it is an enjoyable show even if Skeet Ulrich has always seemed a bit sallow in a heroin-junkie kind of way. Of course, I have always had an affinity for post-apocalyptic dramas ever since reading Stephen King's The Stand and watching the Mad Max trilogy as a kid. I got to reading about the show and found that it had been canceled and then re-born after fans sent over 20 tons of nuts (according to Wikipedia) to CBS, a reference made in the show to General Anthony McAuliffe's message to the Germans at the battle of Bastogne. I guess when a TV network receives 20 tons of nuts (a lot of it from Nuts Online) it lights a fire under them.

However, CBS has said that they will air a few more episodes starting Feb. 12, 2008, but will likely re-cancel the show if it does not garner good viewership numbers. So go to the show's site, catch up on episodes online, and start watching! It is pretty good stuff, even if it feels a bit contrived from time to time.

This whole campaign got me thinking about the power of the internet, too. Does the internet provide a much more interactive link between viewers and content providers, allowing the viewers to be heard in a more meaningful way than through raw viewership statistics? Or does the internet allow a vocal minority to skew the perception of the content providers, making them appear to have a much larger audience than they actually do? Is the internet an instrument of raw democracy or is it a squeaky wheel special interest group purporting to speak for the masses? Discuss.

Ammon Brown: Homeowner!

2007-08-01T13:26:00.000-04:00

Yes, it is true. We closed on our apartment yesterday, so we now own a home! Well, the bank owns the majority of it. Yesterday was a bit of a nutty day, we had errands to run in the morning and I got a call from our current landlord. He was upset that we were moving out so late in the month (a month we paid for) and yelled at me for wanting to leave food in the fridge and and our cat in the apartment until after the closing, which was at 2. It turns out that he had promised the new tenants that they could move in early. When we said our closing was at 2, he assumed that we would be out by then. As a result, we threw away all of our food and took the cat to our closing. It was pretty amusing, as we were both dressed like crap and had a cat in tow while everyone else was wearing suits. We were also a half hour late due to traffic, but we figured they would wait for the people who came bearing the big check.

As it was, we moved in last night, after having been homeless for about two hours. The apartment is awesome, as you can see from the pictures. It is in the Carroll Gardens neighborhood of Brooklyn and is 1/2 a block from the F train, a huge plus in NYC. As it is, we are living amidst a sea of boxes and we're expecting our furniture to come trickling in throughout the next month. It is nice to no longer be paying rent, but it sucks that I may wind up suing yet another landlord who has decided to disregard the law and withhold my security deposit. I'll keep you posted on that front.

Ammon Brown's Site, Dammit!

2007-07-26T16:24:00.000-04:00

I am peeved. I am peeved that when you do a search for "Ammon Brown" you get the dot net version of my name. That just ain't right! The problem is that Jared linked to my other site using Ammon Brown as the anchor text and Google picked up on that. Curses! So this post is nothing more than Google spam. I am just spiking this post with my name, Ammon Brown, in order to try to reclaim my rightful place atop the Google results. You can help by linking to me like so: Ammon Brown. I guess I did too good a job optimizing my dot net site for search engines. Perhaps I should try to get this one out of my blogger template and tweak it even better!

Obama Mia!

2007-06-05T11:15:00.000-04:00

OK, I tried. I tried not listening to the hype over the next presidential election. But you just can't help it, and it is only going to get worse. The election is a long ways off and things are already going like it is next week. In fact, I think the campaigning for 2012 kicks off next month. Might as well get started.

So with that said, I guess I do already have a preliminary favorite. Barack Obama. I know, you say that is a fashionable choice. It is just that the more I read about him the more I think he is a breath of fresh air, even though he is a smoker. :) The guy just seems like a reasonable person. He still has the idealism of a young politician but has the wisdom of a true leader. I caught bits of the Democratic debate last night and he was the only person who answered the "How to respond to an attack" question well. He said first, make sure that the people affected are taken care of, that we respond quickly to victims. Then we gather as much intelligence as possible to levy an appropriate response. His opponents basically said, "Bomb the shit out of them!"

Another article I saw mentioned how he actually wants to understand issues. In an interview with farmers in Illinois he actually knew all the things they were talking about in terms of regulations, pesticides, etc. Of course he cares about polls, but he also seems to care about issues and solutions. Yes, it is early, but I like this guy. Beats all the other smarmy dunderheads in the field so far.

An Interesting Year to Say the Least

2007-05-08T13:05:00.000-04:00

It has been nearly a year since my last post. A few times over the past year I meant to make a post but I felt it would be disrespectful to bump my brother off of the top spot. However, if there is one thing I have learned in the past year it is that life does indeed go on. Let me catch you up as best I can...

On the family front: This past year we had two weddings, one birth, and a funeral, a net gain of two new family members. You gotta take the good with the bad, I guess. My youngest sister is off to Cameroon with the Peace Corps in a few months. Makes you wonder just what you are doing with your life that is so worthwhile.

On the work front: After doing my own thing for a while, I have gotten hooked up with a startup that handles search engine marketing for small businesses. It is an interesting opportunity and I had to take it.

On the poker front: I have played almost zero poker in the past year. Immediately after my last post I made a few grand online but was not into it so I devoted myself to other pursuits. A few weeks ago I played a tournament in Atlantic City, my first tournament in about 8 months. I won the thing for $3K, so I guess I still have some mojo.

On the personal front: I have emerged from a bit of a fog over the past few months and feel good about life. My parents are coming to visit and we are off to my sister's graduation from college. Should be a great week!

On the canine front: New Doggy! Bogey is the joy of our lives. We got him in December, he is a mutt mix of golden lab and who knows what else. We were going to name him Golden but I did not really want to immediately think of Kelsey every time I saw my dog. So we named him Bogey after Bogus Basin, a ski area where Kelsey skiied a lot. Not a direct, in-your-face reminder, but a nice tribute, I think. Bogey is a tennis ball obsessed playful one year old now, and I miss him now that I am doing the 9 to 5 thing.

Kelsey Golden Brown 1978-2006

2006-05-16T17:06:00.000-04:00

I love this picture of my brother. He would not shave throughout the ski season for warmth, and the end of the ski season was always a big day as he shaved the huge beard in stages. This picture was taken about a month before he landed hard on the snow on May 10th, 2006. He died of his injuries two days later in Reno, Nevada.

My brother was one of the funniest, most honest, blunt, and life loving people I have ever known. He was two years younger than me and the brother who I was closest to growing up (no offense, Dan). Kelsey loved to ski and although I am angry that he is no longer with us, I am happy that he was doing what he loved when he died. The doctors assured me that the last thing he remembers was flying through the air with the wind rushing through his hair. I have no doubt that he would not want to go any other way.

Regardless, I feel angry, frustrated, and incredibly sad that he is gone. For those of you who knew my brother, please take a moment to think of the last time he made you laugh so hard your kidney nearly burst. Smile, because he would have wanted you to.

Dark Clouds Over Ireland

2006-05-11T23:37:00.000-04:00

We got back from Ireland a few days early. The trip was great but was cut short when I called home in response to an email to learn that my brother had been in a bad skiing accident. It looks unlikely that he will pull through. We are flying to Reno in the early morning to see the family.

Off to Eire

2006-04-28T11:10:00.001-04:00

Tonight I fly to Ireland for a few weeks. I'll be back by mid-May. Why? Just why not? I have a friend over there finishing up his masters degree and thought I would dust off my pom poms and go cheer him on as he finishes his thesis. Ra-ra-ra, just thirty-seven more pages!! We are renting a car that I believe fits two anorexic midgets and a coinpurse comfortably, so I should have a great time fitting my 6'1" frame into Fiat's most constricting sardine can. I will try to post pictures of me wearing the car like a shoe. Anyhoo, off we go. Ta-ta!

Down With Bloat!

2006-04-20T23:59:00.000-04:00

I am annoyed. Yes, I know... anyone who has ever been a passenger in my car as I navigate the streets of Brooklyn knows that it is not difficult to get me annoyed. But I am annoyed nonetheless. All you non-geeks can tune out now.

I downloaded a handy little program to help me identify huge files on my hard drive (I once found a 4 gig log file). What I disocvered is that of all the folders on my hard drive, the HP drivers for my printer compose the the fourth largest. Why in the hell does HP think they need to have a 166 MB driver download to run a friggin printer? They bundle in a ton of crappy imaging software and trashy spoolers, readers, and massive help files that are just not helpful because they are just not needed. I have a 500 MB folder on my hard drive because HP thinks they can be a software company. They can just stuff it. I will never buy another HP.

But HP is not the only offender (just the worst). Adobe are a bunch of chumps as well. For some reason they feel that a program to open and read a PDF file needs to be a good 90 MB to work properly. Huh? The disk space required for Acrobat reader 5.0 is up to 24 MB. 7.0 requires up to 90 MB. And the only real difference I see is prettier buttons in 7.0 and about 10 times as long to load. No thank you, Adobe. Go find a bigger throat to cram your massive wares down. I found a handy tiny little PDF reader called Foxit that is 1 MB, does not require 20 minutes to download and 15 to install, and runs blazingly fast. Cheers to the little guy! Now I need someone to make smaller drivers for my printer.

What is with these companies? Do they think bigger software will translate to bigger market share? Is it directly proportional to stock price? I hope both companies tank. It is a sick form of arragance that they think they know what users need better than the users do. Make your crap optional! Don't get me started on Windows, that bundling argument is so old.

My 'Hood

2006-04-01T16:08:00.000-05:00

I blew milkshake out of my nose when reading this spot-on guide to Red Hook, the neighborhood in which I now dwell. Disregard the poor spelling of the author and you shall feel the funny.